A Letter to My Mini Human

Brody,

It has been two years since your diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder. In some ways it's hard to remember our lives before that time, but in other ways mommy still has trouble believing this is real. But I continue to be so very proud and blessed to have you as my child. Mommy even decided to get a permanent symbol on my wrist to always remind me, even in difficult times, of my purpose which is you my precious child. 

As I reflect over the past year, I am in awe of you sweet boy. You had several bad falls this year. The first you fell on the playground at school. You still have a scar above your eye.

In July you had another bad fall resulting in your second broken arm in a year. This time baby boy was definitely worse than the first. You tried so hard to be tough but it was a terrible break and you ended up getting your first ambulance ride with mommy to Vanderbilt to have surgery while Daddy followed us in the car. I think I learned I had some mad gymnastic skills in high heels after you screamed my name and I somersaulted into the bed. What a site we were riding in the hospital bed together through the hallways of the hospital. Mommy and Daddy were so worried about you but knew you would tackle this challenge like you have everything else. 

You started your second year at Whitehall Pre-K Center. 

You have worked so hard at school and with your therapies. You have a total of 7 different therapy sessions with 5 different therapists in addition to going to school. To be honest Bro sometimes I have trouble keeping up but you never do. We have been so proud all that you have done. Mommy doesn't know of another person, child or adult, that works as hard as you do. I still wish you didn't have to work so hard, so young and you were able to just be a kid but that is simply not our life. You also had to adjust to having two homes when Mommy and Daddy decided to no longer be married. I hope you know precious child that this was not your fault. I have hated how this transition might have added to your stress and altered your routine. I promise you sweet boy, in all that we do Mommy and Daddy will always put you first and even though we are no longer married we three are still a family and we both love you so much. 

It hasn't been all struggles this year. We have had lots of fun. Here you are at Halloween as the coolest astronaut.

You have found your passion of "hiking" and "camping" with Daddy. Don't tell Daddy but I think you were even tougher than he was the first night you slept outside in the tent. Daddy thought you would want to come inside from the cold but you, just like Daddy, truly love being outside. 

While you love playing outside with Daddy, you love dancing and listening to music with Mommy. My heart melts when you hear a song and say "Dance with me Mommy."

We have gone through a lot this year baby boy. I wish I could promise you this year will be easier but I can't. I do know that I will continue to fight for you and push you. And when you grab my hand and ask me to dance, I'll always say yes. I love you sweet Brody. 

An Update on School

So many of you have been amazing to support Brody and always ask for updates on his progress. As a brief update Brody’s school (he is in his 2nd year of attendance) was severely damaged due to roof damage at the beginning of this year. What seemed like such a negative blow turned out to be such blessing in disguise. His school system had consolidated schools last year and as a result one of the elementary schools was sitting unused. It is truly like God had his hand on this because the new facility truly meets the needs of the students so much better than the rest. 

Brody started at Whitehall Pre-K in August 2015. According to the specialists at Vanderbilt, at that time he tested in 1-10% percentile of children. His highest developmental score was in the 19th percentile. Those scores meant that at Brody’s highest learning domain, 81% of children his age were functioning higher to him. 

Here is a photo of sweet Brody at his previous school before we enrolled him into the public school system. All of the children are happily smiling at the camera, while our sweet Bro is somewhere lost in his world.

Through his school he receives Occupational, Speech and Physical therapy. His classroom teachers, therapists and entire staff at Whitehall work as a team to help him reach his potential. Through their never-ending hard work Brody has managed to close the gaps between his chronological and developmental age. 

He even made hist first best friend Josiah!

But could more have been achieved if the therapists and staff had better resources to work with the children?

At the previous school location, his occupational therapist and physical therapist shared a 13 x 11 space in the gym that also served as a closet for storing gym equipment. When you are working with gross and fine motor skills you need the ability to move and have the space but yet we sent our children to a closet to try and get the help they need. 

His new facility where the school is temporarily housed has the space for the therapists and staff to perform the work they need to do and are required by law to provide for our children. The gymnasium even has a rock wall where the physical therapist can work with children, like my son, to improve their functionality. Remember in one year, Brody had a major fall at school which he still bares the scar above his eye and a fall at camp which resulted in emergency surgery at Vanderbilt. 

So the simple question that so many are asking is IF we have an unused school building that better serves our students why would we not make it our permanet home? 

The pre-K center is NOT a zoned school. This means that if you have a Pre-K child with special needs in order to access therapies YOU MUST attend the Pre-K center. It does not matter if you live in Three-Way or Bemis…you have NO OTHER CHOICE but to take your child to the Pre-K center. Some have made the point that moving to the new facility would be inconvenient for the families that lived close to the previous location. I would ask why was location not an issue when it was not convenient for families like us to drive out of the way and for an extended period to attend the school. The previous location was VERY inconvenient, however it is not about what is convenient for us as parents but rather what best suits our children. 

The new facility has space to add additional Pre-K instructors, that the school desperately needs. Right now the school is at capacity in some classrooms and therefore there are students that are not able to attend. Why is it important to make sure the school has the ability to grow? By law, if your child is at Pre-K age the school system must provide the therapies and instruction for your child. It is not just the right thing to do but by law but then there are also federal mandates on classroom sizes, etc. 

Some information about the school:

It houses 18 classes - 11 are funding by special education

268 students attend the school, 108 are receiving special education services

During the meeting last night, I became frustrated when it was suggested to survey parents on what they preferred for their children. Someone said I used the word they referring to the voluntary pre-K portion of the school and that separated the school. But the school absolutely has two SEPARATE components so yes one group can be referred to specifically. The first “they” is the VOLUNTARY pre-k which means you CHOOSE to send your child there. There are other pre-k programs in which your child has the ability to attend Yes many families that attend are lower income so it may not be financially feasible for them to attend a paid program but the fact remains their child is able to attend those programs, there is a choice. Also, there are many  families that attend that are not low income. The second “they” is the DEVELOPMENTAL component of the program which provides the special education services. We do not have a choice in another pre-k program if Brody was going to receive his therapies and special education. It is not about money or where we live, we have NO other choice. So yes, there are two “they(s)” both equally important but one group we must remember has no other options and we are legally obligated to serve them so we must simple take convenience and school location out of the conversation. 

We were the parents that removed Brody from one of the nicest private schools in our county. We did this without the private school asking us to do so. We removed him from that school and enrolled him in one of the oldest school buildings in our county not close to our home. Why did we make this choice? Because it was not about what WE WANT but what HE NEEDS. 

The staff and therapists, that are the experts in this situation, believe the students are better served at this new facility so it is very hard for me to understand why the decision is unclear. We should listen to the experts advise us on how we can best serve the entire program, voluntary or developmental. I have prayed so much on this issue and for the children and staff at the pre-K center but this morning I feel defeated and not sure I have any more “fight” left in me. 

The Year of $%#! and Bad JuJu

From recent social media posts, I gather that many of you are feeling the pressure and strain from the passing year. I definitely share in the sentiment that 2016 was a rollercoaster of a year filled with ups and downs. As I think about all that has occurred over the past year and where I was 12 months ago, I can’t help but feel like 2016 was the year of bad juju.

In my life if there was one word I would use to describe the year, it would be transition.

Professionally, I moved into a new role which has presented many challenges but also great opportunities. I am grateful for those that have supported and encouraged me and for the amazing group that I work alongside each day.

Personally, where to start? There is no way to sugar-coat this so here it is. I got divorced. I hate that word, divorce. It sounds demeaning and depressing. Ugh! But alas that is what occurred. I will not go into specifics because to be blunt it is no one’s business, except ours. I will share that there was no one reason, or some scandalous occurrence just a decision we reached together. When we made the decision in August we vowed to end our marriage together. I’m sure that sounds odd to many, but we entered our marriage together so why wouldn’t you try to help each other through its end? In a way, he is the only person that knew what I was feeling and going through. Divorce is awful, whether it is mutual or not, we just didn’t see a need to make it worse for each other. One vital  aspect is that with every decision, we tried to always put our son first. I am proud to say we have done just that. We have seen too many bitter and nasty divorces where children are involved. Brody was and remains our top priority. We are both thankful for the friends and family that just supported us and didn't question an already very difficult decision. I know some may be shocked to learn our news and although it was not a secret, Bill and I have been very protective of each other. I even let him read this before posting out of respect. From going through this process, which included moving to a new home, it has been emotionally draining. But we have done the best we could with the situation and as Forest Gump famously said, “That’s all I have to say bout that right now.”

So 2016…you kinda sucked. Please move along and take your bad juju with you. I am welcoming 2017 with open arms. 

The Day Suicide Changed My Saturday To-Do List

People that know me well know that I am a planner, and yes some may even say I am a bit of a “control freak,” which I suppose is totally true. I am admittedly much more of an action, than a sit back kind of person. I believe Vanilla Ice said it best in his 90s masterpiece of a ballad, “If there was a problem, Yo, I’ll, I’ll solve it!” 

Moving on…

One year ago yesterday, I was visiting my father who was going through a divorce. The purpose of the visit was for me to help him “replenish” his home with decor that he wasn’t swift enough to negotiate for in the litigation and also just to make sure he was doing well. I had already been up early on a ladder cleaning and decorating bookshelves when I realized I needed to hurry because I had a list of antique stores I love to visit in his town where I knew we could find some cute items. I had a plan for the entire day everything from shopping, lunch, playground to a much needed one on one “choose wiser next time Daddy” therapy session by yours truly later in the afternoon. Apparently life had a different to-do list in mind for me that day.

I had barely gotten out of the shower when Bill started knocking on the bathroom door, telling me my dad was on the phone and that he thought something was going on. At first I didn’t think much about it because every problem can be solved so much easier after you have applied a little mascara and lipstick. A few minutes later Bill came back and told me he really thought I needed to come out but he wouldn’t tell me what was happening. So I quickly got dressed, and as I marched out I mentally thought “what in the world could be going on now?” My life was already in a whirlwind, less than two months prior Brody had been diagnosed with ASD and here I was helping my dad with a divorce, so what problem could be occurring now? I turned the corner and made eye contact with my dad and knew that it was probably something serious by his expression. “Sweetie, your mother’s died.” I went into my “fix this” mode. A little side note about me; whenever there is a crisis I tend to function at my best, in some capacities I sort of emotionally shut off in order to do what needs to be done. My first priorities were speaking to my sister and brother and making sure they knew and were ok.

I’m going to fast forward through details of the next hour and half of absolute utter confusion (seriously no other word can describe it), but my dad, the amazing person that he is, agreed to drive me to my childhood home while Bill stayed in Fayetteville with Brody. When we arrived and I saw the amount of cars and the sheriff’s office parked out front, my immediate reaction was small town dramatics. I thought to myself someone had passed away so why in the world did we need all of this? We parked and I went to my sister and brother and then they told me that my mother had committed suicide. 

I won’t disclose the details of what occurred as there are things that are private and also this is my first time writing about this experience and it feels a bit awkward doing so on a place that has an address of “blogspot” in it. 

I had not seen my mother since my step-dad’s funeral when I was 8 month’s pregnant about 4 year's prior. I had made a decision to no longer have my mother in my life. This was not an easy decision and I know to some in her life it was viewed as a selfish decision. I knew I could no longer continue with the battles and knew that no matter what argument or ultimatum she was given things were more than likely not going to change. Once I knew I was going to become a mom, I did not want my want my child to see what I was and had experienced so it was a decision I made and I own it and take responsibility for it. And yes, I struggle every day with the guilt of my decision. 

Obviously, my Saturday to-do list changed drastically. Instead of antiquing and solving my dad’s feng shui problems, we were sitting in a funeral home planning my mom’s funeral. It’s crazy how in a moment your life can totally change forever. I never thought suicide would be a word that would be in my vocabulary. 

One of my dear friends has a perfect phrase she said to me. Excuse the language, “Everyone has their shit.” When you think about it, isn’t that statement one of the truest statements ever made? Although social media is great for scrapbooking life’s happy and fun moments, we truly never know what is occurring in people’s lives. No one’s life is perfect, no matter how much you think “they have it easy” or “they have the perfect life” it simply does not exist. When things like this happen in your life you will see some amazing people that show you love and kindness that you never expected. You will have people that drive for 4 hours to not speak to you but just so you see them sitting in a funeral pew. You have people that will come to you when you need it most and sit with you and cry with you in anger and eat an entire strawberry cake in your living room floor. You will have people that know to leave you alone because a lot of times that’s what you need most. Ultimately, when awful crap happens you have to focus on the examples I mentioned above because that is what will get you through.

I'm not entirely sure the purpose of why I am writing this post. Maybe just to say you just never know how life’s to-do list can change. 

A Letter to My Mini Human

Dear Brody, 

It’s been a year since the word Autism was added to our lives. You don’t know what the word means yet but to me it is the most beautiful and terrifying word I have ever heard. It is beautiful because Autism is a part of you, and you my precious baby boy are beautiful but it also terrifies me as it holds so much unknown in our lives and I have seen how it makes you struggle.

Mommy is so proud of you and all that you have done this year, my mini. I know it was hard having to change schools, it was hard on Mommy and Daddy too. Each week you go through so much, at school you have 2 group speech therapies, 1 individual speech therapy, occupational therapy, then two mornings before school we go for extra speech and occupational therapies. Then at night we work on homework that the teachers and therapists think will help you.  You are amazing. 

I’m sorry you sometimes see Mommy cry. It makes me laugh when you say that my eye color is either black or red - for the record Brody my eye color is Blue like yours. :) Please know baby boy these tears are nothing you caused but just from frustration in not knowing how to help you more and roadblocks we encounter in trying to help you and sadness in seeing all that you have to endure at such a young age when other 4 year olds are able to be kids. 

There are so many aspects of ASD that I don’t understand and I wish you could explain to me. I don’t know why a certain commercial on the Disney channel makes you turn around and cover your ears. I don’t know why you need to clinch your shirt and pace back and forth each night. I don’t know where you go when your little eyes get lost. I will keep searching for you my mini, to understand and to help but I want you to know, that Mommy loves you and is proud of you. 

Now let’s turn up the Uptown Funk and dance because it is time to start a new day.

Love,

Mommy

2015, Hit the Road Jack!

The title of this post should give you a bit of a hint on my sentiments on wrapping up the past year. On the last day of the year, many reflect on all that the year entailed. I can say, without hesitation, that this will be a year that I will forever remember. So let me join with the masses and take time to reflect on what was...

Within a three-month period (late spring - early summer) three major things occurred in my life:

My son Brody was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, my dad and step-mother were divorced after 21 years of marriage and my mother committed suicide. 

This year was definitely different. This year knocked me down and seemed to keep beating me down. I felt like I was broken and I suppose for awhile I was. 

Many of you know about our journey with Brody but may have not known about the other two that I mentioned. I won't go into detail about those, specifically the last, but I don't know of another year that has tested me so much and really changed me. But as I look back at the year, I want to say thank you to those that showed me amazing friendship. You really do see who will be there for you when times are tough and to those that were, I am grateful.

I have always had a theory that years rotate in either being good or tough (I purposefully didn't say bad) so based on that theory; 2016 is probably going to be a pretty outstanding year. 

So let's pour a glass of champagne and "close the book" on this chapter and bring on the awesomeness that is bound to be 2016!

Changing schools

The last post was updating about our full Vanderbilt assessment. The report was very thorough and included recommendations on treatment. We have spent so many hours meeting with people to learn about offerings at different schools (public and private), talking to professionals, parents, etc. It has been like navigating in a maze. Each time you think you've resolved an "issue" two more appear. There really is not a "best" option. For B to receive the recommended amount of therapies, he will need to transfer to a developmental Pre-K program (which is only offered at Whitehall Pre-K) beginning this school year. I can’t tell you how difficult of a decision this has been. Some of the issues we were having in deciding to move him was the condition of his new school is not great. It angers me that we do not put more priority and emphasis in providing better conditions at all our schools (that’s another rant/discussion). Another issue we encountered is there not being any after school at the school. The school will only bus children to residential addresses and no local daycares offer part-time or after-school care. It makes it very difficult for working parents. Thankfully, our in-laws have agreed to pick Brody up 4 days a week from school and Bill will pick him up one day. I hated to ask this of them but there were no other options and I am slowly realizing and learning to actually ask for help.
We have loved his current school (USJ) and want to make sure people understand he was not asked to leave. They offered to help us in any way they could but we understand that they are limited in what and how they can help. We will miss everyone and are grateful with how they have been so kind to us during this time. Ultimately, for us, it came down to listening to the recommendations from professionals on early intervention, where can we maximize the amount of therapies and to surround him with people that have more experience working with kids with Autism. I keep telling myself it's not about what we want but what he needs.
I think the hardest part for us is accepting that our child actually needs special needs services. It’s hard to describe coming to terms with realizing your child needs more than others and more than what you know to how to give. I have never been so unsure of what to do but all we can do is try what we think is the "better" option. Brody does not handle change very well so I am very worried on how the transition will impact him. Thank you for your continued prayers for him. We definitely appreciate the positive support.

Our little “complex” profile

So many ask how Brody is doing and I thought I would post an update. We went to Vanderbilt yesterday for Brody’s psychological evaluation. This was an appointment where they look deeper into his development. The appointment was 4 hours. There were so many questions, but by this point we are used to answering, a lot of simulations with B and observations. That was probably the hardest part. We were allowed to be in the room with him but not able to really participate.  We had two doctors with this appointment and both were amazing but the appointment was long and draining. 

They confirmed again, Autism Spectrum Disorder. They said B is a “complex” profile. He doesn’t fall either high or low because he has some traits that he ranks high in and other traits in which he ranks really low. He’s a bit complicated. Welcome to our world. They suggested intensive therapy for him. Speech therapy, occupational therapy and behavioral therapy. We are already doing speech (twice a week) and occupational (once a week) so we need to start the process of looking into Behavioral Therapy. They also suggested we look into the options available now within the public school system. 

There are mixture of emotions right now. I am so relieved that this appointment is over and for the most part, there are no more major appointments looming over us. I can’t help but also feel very sad. In a way, this was our last chance of someone telling us the others were wrong and Bro doesn’t have Autism. I wasn’t naive going into the appointment but I couldn’t help but have this little bit of hope. I struggle so much for wishing the Autism away because oddly his autistic traits, good and bad, are all we have ever known and make up who Brody is so how can you wish it away? I am trying to be strong, put up that “I got this.” face but I am terrified. I am scared of what is ahead, scared he will need something that we will either not have access to or not be able to afford, scared on the strain this will put on relationships, including my marriage. To be truthful, because of my childhood, I’ve always felt a bit ill-equipped being a mom so I pray that God sends me wisdom and or at least some cliff notes on how to handle this all. 

Thank you again for all of your thoughts and prayers for Brody. We are blessed to have some pretty amazing people thinking of him. 

Ms. Grimm

I haven’t blogged in several weeks. Time has been flying by it seems. I can’t believe the school year is over! It seems like yesterday I was dragging (seriously dragging) the mini human into the classroom. We were so fortunate to have such a great support system at his school but I wanted to specifically thank a very special woman, his teacher Linda Grimm. 

There are certain people that God places in your life at certain times and I fully believe Linda was one of those people. From always asking about his therapy appointments and if there was more she could do to help B, to filling out additional paperwork for his doctor’s appointments she was willing to do anything to help Brody with his progression. 

During the months leading up to Brody's initial appointment, she would talk to me and patiently answer all questions I had about Brody. She tried to ease my worried mom fears but was not afraid to point out her concerns as well. After his initial diagnosis, I cried several mornings in her arms. She had been through this process with us entirely. She offered me guidance, strength, and compassion. 

I am sad that she will no longer be Brody’s teacher and even more sad that she will no longer be at his school but so glad that the world will continue to see and know this amazingly beautiful inside and out woman. Words will never be able to fully thank you for all that you’ve done but please know Ms. Grimm you will always be our teacher and our friend. Love you!

Here are a few pictures of the last day:

Ms. Linda holding a gift from the class (all the kids thumbprints)

Don't let the picture fool you, he adores Ms. Linda.

Showing love!

Last time in this class. :(

Goodbye to "OUR" month

Today is the last day of April, the last day of Autism Awareness Month. It’s strange because I have never directly been involved in an awareness month. Sure I’ve fundraised or volunteered for worthy causes but never had something so close like this. It’s ironic that in less than two weeks after learning about B, the awareness month began. Many will move on to the next philanthropy but know for so many of us the struggle continues. People ask how we are doing and the answer is different each day but most of the time I will simply smile and say, “we’re doing ok.” If you truly want to know, we have good days and bad days, great days and awful days. There are days I’m ready to take this on and fully believe I can tackle all of my personal and professional responsibilities and then there are days where I want to crawl into a ball and cry by myself. The ups and downs are exhausting. 

The update on Brody’s “treatment” is his speech therapy sessions were increased so we now go twice a week for speech therapy. He was also evaluated to see if he needs Occupational Therapy and he does. He will start going once a week for Occupational Therapy to help with his sensory and fine motor skills. That makes three different therapy sessions a week. Although it is draining juggling all of this, we were glad to start to get some sort of plan for helping him then we found out his speech therapist’s (who he adores) schedule may be changed. So we would be left with two options: 1) Have a different speech therapist for one day or 2) try to coordinate a different time which would cut into our work day more. I know these may sound like simple problems but when you are dealing with change in our life, nothing is simple. Change is very hard for Brody. But we will move forward, keep going, trying to fight for what is best for our mini human.  So tomorrow brings a new month, a new day, a new chance for us all to make a difference. 

One Week In - Details About B

We are one week in. Autism Spectrum Disorder is a such a wide umbrella. No child is the same and there is so much misconception about what autism “looks like.” People have inquired about Brody’s “signs” or “symptoms” so I thought I would try to describe some of what we are experiencing. I’ll start with his speech. Brody can identify things and say general sentences “I want milk.” “Give me some chocolate.” “Sit down right here.” but has issues with expressive speech. For example, he can look at a picture and say, “She’s crying.” but cannot tell you why she is crying. He can tell you that someone is eating but not tell you why they are eating. He may ask questions but will not be able to have a conversation with you. He does not tell you what he is feeling such as telling you he is mad or say “I love you” without being told to do so. Working on his speech is tricky because he is very smart and clever. He can memorize things well. He will memorize answers to questions and when you quiz him he will give you the “correct” response but it’s from memorization not a real answer. For example, each day I pick him up from school I will ask him questions about his day (even though I know I probably won’t get answers). I’ll ask him who he played with at school. He will answer “Played with Liam. Played with Miles, etc.” BUT more than likely you will get the same answer regardless if those kids were even with him at school that day. He also has issue with repetition. We call this his “infinite loop.” Once he is caught in his infinite loop it’s like a broken record. He will repeat the same phrase or ask the same question over and over and over. You just have to let it go until he finishes. That is just a basic explanation of some of the issues with his speech. I would love (and I do hope) to be able to have a conversations with him and to hear what’s running through that little mind.  

Brody can follow individual instruction really well when he is told to specifically do something. He has a lot of trouble following group instruction. If his teacher instructs the class to go stand on a certain shape on the rug Brody will not do it (even though all the other kids have done this) but if the teacher goes to him and explains what she needs then he will more than likely follow her instruction. Socially he does not really play or parallel play with other children. He is not disruptive with other kids but typically just “does his own thing.” Example, when he goes to the gym he will do the same activity each time, run and slide, run and slide. He will do this by himself and never ask another kid to join him but if another one does start to run beside him and does the same thing he is fine. We took him to a birthday party and all the kids were on one side of the gym while Brody was on the complete opposite BUT he was having the best time by himself, doing his own thing, and laughing at the other children. 

As I mentioned in the previous post he has several “quirky” behavioral traits. Sometimes he will lick his bottom lip until its raw, run back and forth or run and slide run and slide continuously (much more than for a toddler), and cover his ears for no reason. He has VERY good hearing. He will hear sounds that we can’t even hear until we pay close attention. He also tends to obsess about one thing or item for extended periods of time. He is obsessed with one pair of his uniform pants and when he is home he HAS to be wearing them. As soon as we get home in the evening, he must first get his black pants. If they are being washed or he can not find them, then total meltdown. Brody also hits/slaps his head repeatedly for no reason. The last trait is probably the hardest to watch because sometimes he does it so hard that I know it must hurt. 

Brody saw a Developmental Pediatrician with Vanderbilt. We were fortunate it was one of the monthly appointments where they travel to Ayers Children’s Medical Center in Jackson. This way we didn’t have to disrupt B’s schedule too much in the morning. Several people have asked if the diagnosis is 100%. Diagnosing a developmental disability can be tricky as there is no blood test.  The doctor had reports from Brody’s teacher, speech therapist and of course us. Then there were lots and lots and lots of questions and then observation of B. I suppose this is what adds to the mix of emotions because as his mom, I still have this naive hope tomorrow I will be told they were wrong. Doctors were wrong about the mini human when he was just a nugget in my belly but I know deep down it’s our reality so we move forward. What are the next steps? He will be seen by a psychologist at Vanderbilt. I received a call on Friday that there is a YEAR waiting list just to have the appointment made. So frustrating. We have a family friend that is trying to help secure us a sooner appointment but there is no certainty. Next week his speech therapy is increasing to two times a week instead of just once a week and he is being evaluated to see if occupational therapy will help. Thank you to everyone that have offered words of encouragement. From Facebook messages, texts, visits, hugs, I cannot tell you how much all of this has meant to us. When I am feeling very down, I think about all of the people “rooting” for the mini human and it rejuvenates me and inspires me to do whatever he needs and ensure that he continues to be our happy little boy.

How we got here.

When people find out you are pregnant they will ask you all sorts of interesting questions about what you will do, or what would you want. Do you want a boy or girl? They also will ask you random hypothetical questions. I would always answer, "I just want him happy and healthy."  I realize now that was a lie. I wanted my child happy, healthy and without struggle.

I'm not sure where to begin explaining our situation. Brody has always been our quirky little boy and had interested traits, jumping and running for long periods of time for no reason (which is very useful when you are trying to work on house chores), getting stuck in what we called his "infinite loop" constantly repeating the same word or phrase over and over, licking his lips until they were raw and then the past several months he has started hitting/slapping his head for no reason. Again, these were all quirky traits of Brody and made him who he was so at first we didn’t acknowledge these traits could be anything other than “our goofy little boy.”  

At Brody’s 3 year check-up appointment his pediatrician was going through the list of “milestones” and I remember her asking about his speech. After discussing how Brody had limited speech and had never said a full sentence it was suggested for us to have his speech evaluated. Three weeks later we had the evaluation and it was determined that he needed speech therapy. I cried and I felt so silly for crying. This was no big deal and very common. At the same time, we decided to transition Bro Bro into a school instead of daycare sooner than what we had planned to hopefully help with his development. It was a hard transition. Take that back, it was an AWFUL transition. The school, teachers and staff were amazing but Brody did not adjust well to the change. He cried so much every morning and sometimes he would have to physically be dragged in the door and taken crying from my arms. It was excruciating as a mom BUT it was “for the best” so I endured it. Finally after awhile Brody started to say sentences, “I want milk.” “Give me chocolate.” Don’t judge the last sentence, it’s amazing what you will do/reward your child for when they finally speak a sentence.  I’ll never forget the morning when his awesome speech therapist came to speak to me. She was concerned that Brody had not been progressing at a faster pace. We discussed how he had great memorization and could sing songs and while singing could enunciate so well. She advised it was time to have him seen by a Developmental Pediatrician. The referral was made and when we received the appointment it was for June...7 MONTHS AWAY! I remember throwing my cell phone after hearing this. 7 months? Are you kidding me? I never realized there was such a backlog and need for these appointments. After praying, I decided to do something I typically don’t like doing…I asked for a favor and the appointment was moved to March. 5 months seemed so much better than 7! 

The holidays came and then a home renovation. These were much needed “distractions” from what was ahead but I still worried. It wasn’t until our home renovation slowed that I really started to think about the situation. We decided to keep the appointment from our family and most of our friends. There was no reason to worry them necessarily. But every day I would cry. I would cry for not knowing what was happening and I would cry from frustration and fear. I also prayed so much during this time. I prayed until I was so confused and not sure what I was praying for. Did I want a diagnosis or did I want to leave still not sure what we were dealing with? I needed peace. 

Fast forward to March 23 to our appointment. The doctor was so nice and she had a very relaxed way of asking questions. After the appointment and hearing it confirmed what we had suspected, I went through every emotion possible: sad, angry, confused, scared and relieved. I am still going through all of these emotions.  

I know things could be worse but that doesn't make me feel better. This is something I can't fix and for the controller in me that is hard to accept. I am normally a strong person, I've had no choice but to be strong in my life but I feel so weak.  Bill and I had discussed whether or not we wanted to “share” the news about Brody. We decided that for better or worse, this is our life. I never want anyone to think I am nothing but absolutely thankful and proud to be his mother. I have no idea why this is our path but I know I am blessed and honored to have this mini human in my life. 

I was tagged!

I was tagged by Sarah @ Moske Monkey Business to play along in this fun little blog game :)

The Rules

1. You must post the rules.

2. Post 11 fun facts about yourself on the blog post.

3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post, and then create 11 new questions for the people you tagged.

4. Tag 12 people (I cheated a little and only tagged a couple people) and link them on your post.

5. Let them know you've tagged them!

Facts About Me

1.  I have been drinking coffee pretty much every morning since the 4th grade.

2. I have been married to my husband, Bill for nearly 9 years!  Our first date was a blind date...see they actually can turn out well.

3. I love to sing (especially Disney songs) but can't carry a tune and I love to dance but have no rhythm!

4. I am a walking allergy, and sometimes randomly break out in hives.

5.  I am originally from a small town in middle Tennessee.  When I was 19 I moved to Martin 3 1/2 hours from my hometown to attend UTM without knowing a single person - I was scared to death at the time but I can say it was the best move I ever made!

6. I have always wished I had dark brown or black hair and when I've dyed it that color it just fades back to dirty blonde.  I'm actually envious of brunettes.

7. Even though with my job I interact with people all day long, I can be rather shy and I get very nervous about meeting new people.

8. I can at times has a "twisted" sense of humor...to know me is to love me???

9. I am TERRIFIED of flying and cry every time I have to get on a plane! I'd love to travel out of the country but the long flights make it less appealing.

10. I hate to cry in front of other people, not only because it is a sign of weakness but I look extremely ugly when cry.

11.  In July, I gave birth to Brody.  I really wasn't sure how I would take to motherhood, but I can honestly say it is amazing and I love being B's mom. 

Questions from Sarah

1. What's your favorite all time movie?

Oh this is a toss up.  I'll try to name one of my favorite movies that isn't on alot of people's lists:  I love Under the Tuscan Sun

2. If i come to your city, what's the one thing that I MUST do?

Why come see me of course!  Casey Jones Village is a neat place if you have never been.

3. What kind of car do you drive?

Red Ford Edge Limited

4. What is your favorite place to shop?

JC Penney

5. Where is the best place that you have ever been?

Isle of Palms, SC

6. Would you ever get plastic surgery?

I am not opposed to it!

7. What's your favorite chain restaurant?

Maybe?  Macaroni Grill but I love to eat so I like lots of places

8. Do you like your job?

I am very lucky to have my job, but as with any position I definitely have my good days and bad days.

9. Do you watch The Bachelor? If so...who do you like/not like?

Nope.

10. Beach or Mountains?

Beach

11. If you could go back...would you do things differently?

In order to prevent myself from becoming a big mush of goo before I go to work I am not going to get into this answer BUT I do know in my mind what I would do.

Tag!

Natalie@From Corporate to Domestic

Esther@The Eddy Family

Laura@Moments with the Mays

Kristy@Everyday K

Questions from me:

1.      What is the best decision you have ever made?

2.      What is the worst decision you have ever made?

3.      Who is your hero?

4.      If you could live any other place than where you do now where would you live?

5.      Dogs or Cats?

6.      Do you like to watch scary movies?

7.      When you are stressed what do you to relax?

8.      What has been your “best year” so far?

9.      What is your favorite food?

10.  What is your favorite tv show?

11.  Do you have any bad habits?  If so, name one.

Shame on them!

Welcome to my first blog "rant" of 2012. Woo woo! What subject is lucky enough to get me back on my soapbox? Beyonce and Jay Z's delivery. Have you read any of the articles about this? It's so ridiculous. Supposedly, they pretty much transformed the maternity ward, putting up partitions, supposedly making all nursing staff turn over their cell phones, covering up all of the windows, and the covering up the hospitals' security cameras! Now let me say I think the hospital administration AND the "stars" were equally responsible. What was the worst offense? Again, "supposedly" all of the extra security prevented a father from visiting his premature twins in the NICU! If I were that parent I would have shown them some "Crazy Love". I feel so bad for the other mothers that were delivering during this time. And I don't know how they couldn't have felt like they and their soon to be born babies were nothing more than nuisances that needed to be blocked and second class citizens. You might ask if she wanted all of the strict security why not try to deliver away from a hospital or at home? Well she had a planned c-section. A celebrity having a planned c-section (and maybe a tummy tuck to follow?) suprise suprise! Ok before I offend anyone here, I am in no way juding anyone that has had to undergo the surgery. If you and your medical professional feel that it is the best and safest way for your baby to arrive then I think it is the way to go. It is a major surgery and in my opinion I think most celebrities elect to have a c-section and probably a little plastic procedure BUT then in a few months you will see them on the cover of a magazine about how they "lost all of their baby weight"...BULL! Of course I do not have the inside scoop on if this was the case. So please if you have had to have a c-section know that I am not referring to you and I would for sure have one if my doc had advised me to do so. Alright I regress back to the original subject of the rant. Here are a couple of articles about what allegedly occurred:
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/10/nyregion/after-birth-by-beyonce-patients-protest-celebrity-security-at-lenox-hill-hospital.html

http://www.hollywood.com/news/The_Daily_Shuffle_Beyoncs_Bodyguards_Create_Hospital_Controversy/13310436

Again all of this is allegedly what happened...
UPDATE: After Bill read my blog he commented, "Well there goes any chance we have of getting free tickets to a Jay Z concert", gotta love him!

Also, as a reminder if you follow my blog you will have to re-follow with my new blog address. The previous address will no longer work. The new address is: http://lifeintheblane.blogspot.com

Entering the unknown...

I am beginning to embark on a new mission in parenting...transitioning B to food (this is where I would add some dun dun dun sound effects) I have dreaded this phase because there is so much conflicting information and really not any set rules on when and what to start feeding your baby. Of course as with any parenting issue I'm a little careful about soliciting advice because sometimes the parents that feel so strongly on how you should proceed will begin to morph from providing a helpful tip to a full on sermon. But I do like hearing what other people have done with their children, what worked and what didn't, etc so feel free to share your stories. Right now we are doing a little rice cereal in the morning. He is doing ok with it; the jury is still out on if he loves or hates it. I tried the stuff and it's pretty nasty, but I do understand their taste buds are much different than ours. Here is Mr. Man "eating" his rice cereal...

He's got a little of the "crazy" eyes here. Haha

Wish me luck in this new endeavor...I really don't want Brody asking for a bottle when he is 18. On an unrelated note, the actual web address of my blog has changed. If you follow me you will have to change it to the following: http://lifeintheblane.blogspot.com

One week...two great parties!

In the past week I have been able to celebrate with two great friends. The first party was an 80's Prom theme for my friend Kristy's 30th birthday. With the theme, of course we had to also dress accordingly.

Here is our "Before" picture. Yes, I know naturally beautiful, right?
After tons of eye makeup (which I loved doing) and some wonderfully awesome 80's dresses we were transformed into 80's Prom Princesses...

I made this jean jacket to go with my dress. I was impressed with my mad glue gun skills (I consider myself a little craft challenged).
Here are some more pictures from the party. It was a really fun time!

Fast forward one week to a baby shower for Sarah and Baby Sally!

The theme of the shower was shabby chic. They did a wonderful job with the decor. Here is the cute momma in waiting...

She has the "pregnancy glow" which I am a bit jealous of because I never had. I think because my mini human was too busy sucking the life out of me! haha

Here are the "girls" (minus Abigail) at the shower. I can't believe Sally will be here next month!!!

So I had two great parties in one week. That will be hard to top this week.